The World is a Mess, it’s Okay to Be Excited About Mundane Things

If you pull up basically any news website, the landing page will likely be covered in doom and gloom: hurricanes, wildfires, corrupt politicians, celebrity gossip. It seems like there’s a never ending stream of awful things happening all around us.

In this world where we’re surrounded by chaos, how do we cope? Do we have to be obsessed with every breaking news story on our Facebook timeline and Twitter feed?

The answer is no!

Self care is incredibly important, now more than ever. Whether you have to unplug your cable box, delete your accounts on social media, or avoid the subject in friendly company, do not for one second feel bad about it.

No matter what’s going on in the world, someone else’s suffering doesn’t negate your own. 

This is one of the most important lessons I’ve been taught throughout my life. When it comes to world affairs, events fall into two basic categories: things you have control over and things you have no control over.

If you have the power to elect someone new to improve the well-being of your town, state, or country, then by all means dive right in and learn as much as you can about the issues and act accordingly (vote, rally, petition, whatever).

If you have no control over the suffering of those effected by a natural disaster or the decisions of a person already in power, it’s perfectly fine to not involve yourself in it at all. There’s no reason you should torture yourself or let your mental health suffer over things that are out of your hands.

And you shouldn’t feel bad about it for one solitary second. 

This is your reminder to take care of yourself. You don’t have to “accept the things you can’t change.” because sometimes those things are extremely unacceptable. Even if some people want to say that posting/sharing information about issues all over social media is “slacktivism,” sometimes it’s all you can manage. But if you personally can’t do any more than that, you still did something. You can only do so much and you shouldn’t stretch your spoons on those things when you have your own life to worry about.

So if you want to drown out all that doom and gloom with a pumpkin spice latte, or a Netflix binge session, or internet memes, by all means do so! It’s 100% okay to like things that are seemingly meaningless– obviously it means something to you. 

The moral of the story is: do what you can. But don’t overextend yourself. Enjoy your pumpkin spiced life.

 

Some Days, The Loss of a Parent Hurts Worse

Today is my mom’s birthday.

I’m not going to call her, post on her Facebook wall, or send her a card.

I lost her in March of 2012.

Losing a parent as a teenager/young adult is an absolutely surreal experience, and one that can’t be adequately described unless you’ve experienced it. It’s different than losing them as a young child, or as an older adult. It’s like a phantom limb that you keep trying to use and are reminded isn’t there. You’ll never fully be out of that grief, that alternate reality– it may not hurt like an open wound, but it will always be an underlying ache like a bruise or especially deep scar.

Sometimes you wake up after dreaming about them and it feels like you got punched in the gut. Sometimes you see their face in a sea of strangers. Sometimes you catch a passing scent and it’s exactly what they smelled like. I even see accents of her face in my own when I look in the mirror. And some days are definitely harder than others.

What I’ve found though, is that these feelings and experiences translate through and between others. When you meet others who have been through your same loss, it’s very relatable.

I’ve also realized that how others respond doesn’t change much, either. No matter how long it’s been, the default response is “oh my gosh I’m sorry” whenever I mention it. I get it, most people don’t know how to react. I understand you mean well. Unless I’m telling you in an emotionally intimate sense, though, I prefer a low-key response or no response at all. It’s nice to have sympathy at first, but after a while it’s just a grim reminder of how horrible it really is. Even just a “sorry to hear that” or “that sucks” is better; empathy can be more comforting and appropriate, especially in a more casual setting.

What is different is how each person grieves, and how long it can take for them to reach a comfortable point to talk about their experience and whether talking about it is a form of healing.

It’s been six years, and it’s still difficult to talk about. It’s still difficult to even think about. I was 17, about to graduate high school and turn 18. I feel like I lost out on a lot of important moments with her– graduating high school, moving to college, buying a house, even just introducing her to the amazing people I’ve met in my adult life.

I guess the point of all this is a bit of healing for me, and a bit of comfort for others who are in similar shoes. I’m trying to open myself up little by little in hopes that I’ll be more comfortable with my personal reality. I think the if you let a little bit of your heart show, it can help you find others who can empathize and relate with you.

 

 

 

The Rise of Minimalism in Response to Consumerism

It’s happened to the best of us: you walk into Target for socks, paper towels, and a few groceries, and walk out with ten other things you had no intention of buying. Maybe it was impulse buys, sales, or clearance/closeout items. Maybe you kept seeing the same ad for the same new kitchen gadget or hair product you just had to try. Consumer culture has been a major part of American life since post-war technological advances led to more mass production of goods. There’s even a conspiracy theory of how consumer culture began.

Capitalism and consumerism go hand-in-hand. In capitalism, a private entity has the ability to start a business in which they can sell goods to turn a profit. This means that a business owner has to convince you to be a consumer of the product they’re selling.  However, this idea can be thrown into overdrive. Whether it’s the enticement of a sale or something new all your friends (or your kid’s friends) are talking about, it can obviously be very tempting to run out and fulfill that instant satisfaction of having something new to show off on your Facebook timeline or instagram feed.

That’s where consumerism comes into play. Many get caught up in the “gotta-have-it” idea or the tingling feeling of bringing home new goodies and always want the newest and best items, regardless of need. Consumerism has even been called a disease and a crisis in America.

For most, this isn’t even a conscious act– companies and advertisements purposely appeal to our intrinsic wants and desires so we feel like we really need their product. However, not a lot of us stop the question this behavior. I see it in my closest friends and family: it’s just another pair of shoes, another another quirky kitchen gadget, another toy. They mean no harm, but do they really need a 30th pair of shoes?

With any major culture movement, there’s bound to be a counter culture. There are people all over America who choose to live with less or do things themselves instead of play into rampant consumerism One of the most well-known ways this push-back manifests is the minimalist movement.

Minimalism is usually a hashtag on posts of a sparsely-furnished room or modern architecture, but the minimalist lifestyle is much more than a style of interior design. It takes many different forms and is often in response to “…the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around.”

The simplest form minimalism takes is just changing the way you think about and consume goods (and yes, this means no shopping trips just for fun). This may be accomplished in many ways, including but not limited to:

  • Putting an end to fast fashion– You know those pieces from the mall that seem to disintegrate after one run through the wash? That’s what the fashion industry refers to as “fast fashion,” because the clothes are trendy, cheap, and not made to last. While the cost up front for well-made clothes is higher, the pieces last much longer both in wear and in style. Check out your local consignment store for gently used pieces with plenty of life still in them.
  • No more impulse buying– When you’re roving the aisles of Target looking for that one thing you need and get distracted by four more, and you’re telling yourself you “really need” that pineapple shaped butter dish, put it back and come back to it later– Not at the end of your shopping trip, but on your next Target run two weeks from now. My money’s on that you completely forgot about whatever it was you were so jazzed up on last time. After all, we love the thrill of the chase.
  • Don’t replace something until it’s broken– Whether it’s a pair of shoes or a slap chopper, if the one you have works just fine, you don’t need a new one. Even if it’s on the verge of breaking, you can probably get by a day or two without it until you can get a new one. Alternatively, if you replace something that’s only gently used, donate it so someone else can enjoy it.

If you want to take it a step further, you could create a capsule wardrobe or move into a tiny house.

Now I’ve gotta be real, As a teenager and young adult I owned dozens upon dozens of pairs of shoes and what seemed like a hundred t-shirts all at the same time, on top of dresses and accessories and all kinds of other stuff. Once upon a time I had a kitchen drawer full of squeezers and choppers and stirrers galore. I always liked to organize my things and get rid of some, but I always just scratched surface. However, moving 5 times in 5 years really made me realize how much stuff I was hauling around, and that was the breaking point for me: I had to minimize.

My long-term boyfriend and I recently bought a house, but before moving in I became much more aggressive in my efforts to donate or sell things we didn’t need. I didn’t want to have to squeeze into the space that was officially “ours.” We also made an effort to only buy things that would last so we wouldn’t have to buy and replace things too quickly. It’s an ever changing journey about learning what we need and what we can live without, and finding a healthy balance of letting go and holding on. We have what I feel like is an abundance of things, but it’s an abundance that all has a place and is useful to us in some way (even if that use is just being pretty or making us happy).

But why? Why choose to push back against having stuff and be a minimalist?

I can only speak from personal experience, but minimizing our possessions has been beneficial in multiple ways. A minimal wardrobe has opened up time in my morning routine and opened more space in my closet. It’s also helped me not spend a lot of time shopping– when I need or want to add a piece to my collection, I know exactly what I’m looking for before ever leaving the house. Everything has a place, which helps keep our home de-cluttered and easy to clean. Not worrying about having the latest and greatest items has also saved us money because we go to the thrift or consignment stores for many household or clothing items.

Personally, having less is also mentally freeing. I don’t feel stressed when I’m at home because we have plenty of space to move about and I’m not constantly looking at a bunch of stuff on every surface. I know we have what we need and aren’t burdened by anything else.

 

 

I think it’s important to point out that there are those for whom minimalism isn’t a choice, whether it’s not owning many items, or not being able to let items go because you might need it “just in case.” Minimalism can absolutely be a privilege for some. In regards to this article, those without that choice would likely not be participating in the consumerism as described, so aren’t the subject/audience for this article/pseudo-how-to. My motto for others living their life is do what you can. Even if that just means surviving.